Intimacy as Inquiry

Exciting.
No rules.
Breathing.
Opening.

Maybe a blush appears on your cheeks, your breath catches. What does intimacy mean to you?
So often intimacy is equated with sexuality, or limited only to romantic relationships. In tantric bodywork intimacy is embraced as a tool for self-inquiry & awareness. Let’s explore.

Photography by cottonbro studio

Up Close
& Personal

To be truly intimate is like a whisper: soft, sensual, yet also untouchable. Extremely close - yet inaudible for anyone not involved. It is hidden, for your eyes or ears only, in the most private corners of our personal life. Intimacy is characterized by the American Psychology Association (APA) by an extreme emotional closeness, on a physical, emotional or even spiritual level. With yourself and/or with others.

Express Your Deepness

General misconceptions are that intimacy is only ‘available’ in close friendships, or romantic or sexual relationships. But there can be intimacy without sexual interaction, without touch even. The only true requirement, according to the APA, is a sense of familiarity & understanding - in order to be able to express your deepest feelings and emotions.

Intimacy: The Hottest Topic We Never Talk About

“Intimacy is the hottest topic we actually never talk about”, massage therapist & tantric teacher Heleen Baas explains. In De Massage Podcast she talks about how massage is by nature a very intimate profession. “It’s essence is getting very close to the skin”. To ensure safety, in most regular massage practices the intimate zones are taboo - with can result in rigidity and a feeling of fragmentation.

Massage & Tantra

Baas is the founder of the Massage & Tantra training at the Holos Institute. Here she inspires and encourages massage practitioners to not ban intimacy, but actually use it as a valuable tool for self-inquiry. In this there are no givens, no rules - every moment, every touch provides the recipient and the practitioner a new chance to check in, to feel, to investigate.

Too often we move through our lives by general assumptions. About what to do, say or feel - or what not to do, say or feel. The same applies for the massage table ánd of course in intimate encounters. People feel unsure, afraid to do something wrong. Or cross their own boundaries because they feel this is ‘what they’re supposed to do.’

In tantra there is no right or wrong. There are no ‘taboo area’ areas or a specific program to follow or goal to achieve. “Nothing is a given”, Heleen Baas explains. “That’s why taking it slow is so very important. Every step of the way checking in, what feels good- what doesn’t feel good. There is no auto-pilot. Even if that means, the clothes stay on during the whole session. That’s all good.”

An Invitation to Feel

Holos’ vision Zijn met wat er is (“To be with what is”) is one of the leading principles in tantra and holistic practices. The role of the practitioner is to guide this process and make it negotiable and more tangible. “Especially in intimate settings, it’s magical what can happen when you take things slow”, Heleen Baas explains.

As a recipient you are invited to feel everything that arises. Without judgment, forcing or suppressing.Your body responds: maybe with arousal, or rising emotions or nothing at all. In tantra everything is welcomed as a part of you. The practice is staying present, open, curious. Isn’t that a great school for life?

By Noëlle ter Braak
2026 / February 25

This article is inspired in part by the conversation in De Massage Podcast episode 'Intimiteit in de massagepraktijk. You can listen to the full episode (in Dutch) here.