A First Tantra Experience — On Touch & Presence

Liebevolle Berührung, kein Sex.
The ad immediately sparked my curiosity.
I was just looking for a job — but found a whole new way of being.

Photography by Anna Shvets

My young life:
shame & guilt

Freshly arrived in Berlin and far from home, I figured I could at least give it a try.What did I have to lose?

Shy and a little nervous, I showed up for the interview. After a warm, open conversation, she asked me a simple question: Was I ready to experience tantra myself?

At the time, I had no real idea what tantric bodywork actually meant — beyond vague associations with intimacy and touch. Nudity, sexuality, intimacy — all of it had been taboo in the household I grew up in. A kiss on TV? My mother would switch the channel immediately.

The body was something to feel ashamed of. Something to feel guilty about.
Being chubbier than most, my weight — and the constant need to diet in order to be liked — quietly took my young life hostage.

A new experience: being fully seen

Heart pounding, I rang the doorbell of a beautiful Altbau in Charlottenburg. High ceilings. Thoughtfully decorated rooms. A simple futon on the floor. Warm air. I immediately felt welcome. Safe. And — if I’m honest — slightly elevated. As if I had stepped into a different world.

After a short conversation, she reassured me there was nothing I needed to do well. Nothing to achieve.

Then, as soon as the session started, something opened.

My senses came alive. My whole body was included — even honored. How I looked no longer seemed to matter that much.

For the first time in years, I felt at ease in my own skin.
Maybe for the first time since I was a child.
I felt seen. Fully. And deeply touched — on more than just a physical level.

Feminine sensuality

Until then, my intimate experiences had mostly revolved around the pleasure of my male partners. And I — the good girl I had learned to be — was happy to oblige.

But I had no idea my body could be met in a different way.
Not rushed. Not reduced to a few “important” parts.
Not driven by urgency or goal.

Tantra showed me something else.
What I experienced that day wasn’t just a massage, but a first glimpse into what I now understand as tantric bodywork: a practice of awareness, touch and presence.

That my body wanted to be touched slowly, softly. With patience and care.
Where my hands, my back, my hair mattered just as much as my breasts or hips.

For the first time, I experienced myself as whole human being.
Perfectly imperfect: I could just be.

Tenderness over technique

Even with no real reference point, I knew this was different.
Because it asked something rare — from both of us: undivided attention.

Now I understand this more clearly:
the state of the practitioner shapes everything.
Not the technique.

For the entire session, she remained present. Attentive. Awake.
But what stayed with me most wasn’t her skill.
It was her tenderness.

She wasn’t afraid to come close — really close.
There was softness, yes. But also clarity.
This is what many people misunderstand about this work.

It’s not about pushing limits.
It’s about exploring the edge — with awareness.

A path of expansion

She became one of my first teachers.
In the beginning, it wasn’t easy.
Staying present felt almost impossible at times. My mind would wander, drift, check out.

But slowly, something shifted. Presence became more familiar: less forced, more natural.

My insecurities didn’t disappear overnight.
But they became lighter. Less defining.

I could never have imagined — walking into that room — that this path would shape my life the way it has. Because that’s what expanding awareness does.

It doesn’t fix you.
It doesn’t perfect you.

It simply widens your experience.
Deepens your connection.
And quietly… changes how you meet the world.

This experience has shaped the way I work and live.
It’s the foundation of tantric bodywork, as I share it with you today.

By Noëlle ter Braak
2026 / April 21

My first teacher was one of the original founders of the Kashima Institute in Berlin. My sincere gratitude to her for her loving attention and for guiding me on this path.